Childhood Rage, Parental Anger, and Voice Cancellation
To what degree do you equate anger with the absence of love?
Confession time! From the voice of an aggressive parentor and parentee.
DISCLAIMER: I am not sharing this asking for either an answer or an attack. If you feel so inclined, please comment if you wish. Your voice is just as important as my own.
A Message
This from both as a child who experienced the harshness of anger throughout his growing years and as a father who has dealt unreasonable blows of anger toward my own children. I encourage all parents to teach their children that their voice is important, too. Allow them a choice to speak when the time is right, whether during, immediately after the heat of a session, or later in the day. Just as you demand your child to listen to you, demand you listen as well. Do not let such conversation to slip away.
The best time to address a heated session of anger, in my humble opinion, is when we are not in the seats of anger, but in the still moments that eventually follow. I'm not telling you how to raise your kids, I am telling you how to be a responsible and fair parent, or spouse for that matter and I am demanding from you as much as I am myself.
I was just asked a question. "To what degree do you equate anger with the absence of love?" https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTdcaEFYq/?k=1
Anger does not mean I don't have love. Anger does not cancel out love. I do allow anger to cause me to do and say things, both constructive/destructive and/or helpful/hurtful. Oftentimes I catch myself and hear me during my responses and reactions. I did not program myself to be numb to seeing and experiencing my own words and actions. I'm not saying my words or actions are always right or acceptable, I am saying I do experience wildfires where winds control the levels of out of control. I am not always right and I am not always wrong.
I have said and did many constructive and helpful things as a result of anger. I have said and did many destructive and hurtful things as a result of anger. Because I am perfect with all my own flaws and failures, triumphs and wins, I still do right and wrong. Whether I catch on myself or am addressed by another, I am wise and considerate enough to identify or attend to my words and actions, both good and not so good.
I am in no way justifying any equality of balance between either of the two (constructive/destructive, helpful/hurtful), however, both are equally different from each other. Though they are one extreme opposing ends and separate from the other, the distance between is the equivalent of a light switch and the near immediate time it take for the energy to reach the fixture.
Many times in the past and into the present, I have experienced a belief that an angry voice meant the recipient (me) or the recipient's voice does not matter. Whether I programmed that in me or someone else did, I recognize that belief is there. I also recognize that anger is NOT an absence of love, my voice is important, too. I have no intent to harm myself or anyone during a moment of anger. For whatever reasons I learned to believe anger has an inate tendency to be a destructive force. That's not true. It is possible to use anger as a tool for justice and good and not always as a vice toward destruction and hurtful actions or words.
I recall situations where my parents and relatives displayed their anger toward me along with punishment and then asked what lessons I may have learned. I recall times when they let me use my voice,though not always.
If anyone feels compelled to take my words and use them against me, be sure to visit your nearest bathroom, take a good hard look in the mirror, and have a discussion with yourself first. I'm not a very good victim.
I'm not a very good victim in a sense I would just lay there and be kicked. I have a reasonable expectation that I, too, deserve a chance of defense. Cages don't hold me, ever. That does not mean you or I or anyone could know what exactly that means and how I will respond.
Anyway, this is just where I am at this moment. Gotta jump in the car now and drive. More on this later, maybe.
Thanks for reading. Be silent if you wish. Supply a comment if you wish.
Good Day,
Ryan