OPERATION: ZERO, A Tribute to Simplicity
7/12/23, all my life I have worked for the possessions I have and am privileged to keep. I've worked at length, I've worked hard, I've worked under constraint, I've worked at peace. I've worked for the things and possessions I've gained, despite the longevity of the keep. What if I worked just as hard, just as long, just as constrained, and just as peaceful for nothing? Is it possible to accept nothing as a point of highest value? Could I be at peace with that? Really? Nothing to break, nothing to maintain, nothing to fix, nothing to repair, nothing to lose? What simplicity of existence could I seek to gain from that idea, that opportunity? What is left to desire if nothing is the absolute highest form of value? When in the midst of chaos I find undisturbed pleasance, calm and peace, it is there where the Spirit of Creation can be enjoyed at its fullest, even if but for a moment or few.
10/14/21- I read a Bible verse, 1 Corinthians 4:7, for who makes you different from (from=set aside, independent) anyone else? What do you have that you did not receive? And if you did receive it, why do you boast as though you did not?
Everything I have came from someone or somewhere. I had to take an action for it to become mine; that action, to receive. Life? I received it, it came from somewhere. Love? I received it, it came from somewhere. A bottle of lotion? I received it, it came from somewhere. Originating from somewhere, someone else put it there for me to retrieve it and receive it.
I have a lot in my possession. I have a large quantity of material things under my ownership, in my possession, so many I cannot count within reason. Everything came from somewhere and was provided somehow for me.
Remember when I went to Psi 2 years ago? Do you remember me talkin about a new Mission I had because I so stressed out with everything? Mission: Operation Zero It was about going as far back to zero as I possibly could, eliminating all of the excess and unnecessary things in my life. At that time, I had no idea what exactly that meant. It was a vague idea and not a detailed plan. When I was coming down from the mountain (Redrock, Calico Tanks, March 23, 2019 with CJ and Emily) the other day, realized that it was so easy to go up the mountain because I could see every step in front of me. Coming back down the mountain, however, not so easy. Much more dangerous, every step mattered more because I was going with the flow of gravity. The purpose of my mission, in hindsight, was and is to get myself to a point of reset. I am still going back down the mountain and getting to that point. Anyway, just thought I would share that with you.
It takes a lot of faith to go back down to zero, especially after having made it to the top of a mountain. If you want to climb a different mountain, however, you have to come back down before you can start the next.
March 30, 2019- on April 24th, 2018, I established a new mission in my life called operation zero. At the time, I had realized I was going through a difficult and painful experience that was severely testing my character and endurance. Physical possessions, stuff, clutter, too much accumulation, attempting to manage too much. There were few wins, many incompletions. In my mind, I had to do it all myself, nobody was allowed to help, and I had to get everything done. With the completion of every project that actually was completed, I gained this perception that I had a superpower, a god-like ability. That momentary perception of superpower was only as long as the thought lasted, for a moment. No such ability planted itself inside me and remained. I was and am still me.
A clinical psychiatrist would diagnose this as bipolar, a form of mental illness. I could not seem to keep focus, I could not seem to keep my attention on one thing at a time for very long. So many things required maintenance and attention at any given moment for an unspecified length of time. Throughout the course of one task, so much unspecified time would be allotted to complete the task at hand. Other tasks were to follow. There was no end in sight. If the one task was not completed in the amount of time allotted, it would either go unfinished, or unattended, or both, eventually becoming lost in the process "in a pile on the desk." This is just one task. Add thousands of tasks to that, try to keep up with them on both written and mental notes, try tackling every single one of them by yourself, without losing your f****** mind. The fuse has approached the ignition. Boom!
And now, the Great Misdiagnosis.
#onedayatatime